do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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