Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
