you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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