someone owes me an orgasm
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
