it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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