Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
