It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
