you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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