I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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