You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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