I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
