Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
