my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
