Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
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It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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