get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
