so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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