He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
