I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
