i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
