two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
