I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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