So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
