We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
