Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
