thus making me awesome and them whores
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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