His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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