he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
