I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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