I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
