I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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