Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
