ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
this is an emotional support booty call
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
