Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
