Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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