I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
