he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
