i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
