I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
