We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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