Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
