Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
