She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
