Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
