So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
