hotel room ftw
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
