Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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