The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
