I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
zippers are such a cool invention
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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