i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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