Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
