You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
