Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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