Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
