I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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