it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
