it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
