I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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