shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
