Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
