Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
