how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
