we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wanna passion pit in your ass
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
