he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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