I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
