That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize