Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
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