Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Randomize
